Ten Twilight Excuses
by Kiara212
Summary: Small lists which are about Twilight related excuses. Feel free to use them. Suggest themes and I'll do them! And of course, I don't own Twilight.
1. For Being Late

10 Twilight Excuses For Being Late

I'm sorry I'm late, I was having a staring contest with Jane from the Volturi and I didn't notice the time

I had to go buy normal colour contacts for my eyes!

Jasper made me feel sleepy so I accidently ignored my alarm...

Alice saw me getting hit by traffic when I walked to school so I had to wait until the coast was clear

I was so busy looking at Renesmee's gorgeous face I forgot I had to go!

Out of sheer curiosity I had to put the pack in height order to see who was the tallest. Then Jacob had to gloat about it when he proved me wrong

On the way to school I was going to be attacked by a bear, so I had to scream for Emmett to come and save me, otherwise he would have been annoyed with me all day, and Emmett makes jokes in very bad taste when he's annoyed...

Me and Edward decided we had to enter a marathon and we only just got back. Man, he is fast!

Billy Black challenged me to a wheelchair race back from La Push and I couldn't refuse. Of course then Carlisle had to stitch me up when I fell, and that took a long time.

I had to walk to school, and I refused to let Edward drive because it scares me, so he had to follow me very slowly to school to make sure I was okay


	2. For Homework

Ten Twilight Excuses For Homework

Jacob ate it!

I was helping Caius dye his hair and he was so busy yelling he didn't see it fall onto the floor and it went all over my homework

Alice saw you weren't going to be in and I didn't think to do it. Who would bet against Alice?

Seth wanted to see what it was about and as soon as he touched it, it burst into flames

I left it in Italy with the Volturi!

Rosalie had a colossal make up landslide in her bedroom and it went all over my homework

Emmett dared me to eat it and because I'm not a vampire I couldn't cough it back up

Esme had a sudden burst of inspiration and designed a house on the back of it. I couldn't bear to part her from her art

Chelsea undid my ties to my homework and I burned it!

Vladimir and Stefan used it to plot an attack on the Volturi and I couldn't risk being caught with the plans


	3. To Get Out of a Date

Ten Twilight Excuses To Get Out Of a Date

Eric reminded me that I promised to go to a dance with him, so I'm unavailable for a while

Mike's getting jealous, and I appreciate his friendship, so I can't for his sake

Jake has some pack related issues in La Push so I will be out of town...for a while

(The Classic One) I'm going to Seattle for the day and won't be back in time for the date

Me, Alice and Edward are going to a concert in Tacoma that we never got around to

I don't think that's a good idea, Tyler might crash into you with his van!

21st November/ 19th December? I can't go out with you then, the Twilight Movie's out! I'll never speak to you again for such blasphemy!

Alice doesn't think it will work out, I think you should save your money instead of wasting it on me

You're not called Edward!

Hmm...Normal temperature, never heard of La Push, don't believe in shape shifters! Next!


	4. To Not Do What Your Parents Tell You

Ten Twilight Excuses For Not Doing What Your Parents Tell You To-

The classic – well it's not irritable grizzly...

Alice says that isn't in my future, and you never bet against Alice!

No, I can't tidy my room. Why? Well there isn't anyone hiding in my closet if that's what you mean (an Edward reference, sorry if that was confusing)

I was on my way home, but then I saw a silver Volvo, and I had to wait to see who owned it before I could go anywhere

I can't wash the dishes, the last time I washed the dishes Jacob sliced his hand open!

I can't do my homework now, I have to research it first. The topic? The vampire wars of the south of course

Edward's cooking skills make me feel inadequate, so much so that I can never make dinner again

Renesmee's made me idealise toddlers, so if you make me babysit, you're sure to disappoint me

I don't need to do chores for pocket money, the Cullen's will loan me some!

I _had_ to stay out late, I saw Twilight and was so dazzled I had to see it again, and again, and again...


	5. For Asking Out Your Crush

**AN - Sooo sorry! I only just realised what everybody was going on about. Shows you how human I am, a vampire wouldn't make this mistake! These ones aren't really 'excuses' but I thought you still might enjoy them. Thanks to everyone who added this and reviewed, you rock!**

1. I'm doing a survey, I just need to ask you a few questions. Do you have a high temperature? Have you seen an incredible growth spurt recently? Have you heard of a place called La Push? Do you have a secret? Want to go out?

2. Want to dazzle me?

3. Jasper's making me feel in love, and I just happened to be staring at you

4. Want to go out? No? Why don't you meet my friend, Emmett?

5. A sadistic vampire's coming to torture me! Will you protect me?

6. I was talking with Alice, and she had a vision, and said you and me will go out. You can't avoid the future!

7. I know you fancy Rosalie but can I let you in on a secret? Her ex-fiancé was mysteriously murdered... I don't look so bad now, do I?

8. If you go out with me you can ride in my Ferrari/ Mercedes/ Volvo/ Jeep/ Porsche/ BMW

9. If you say no, Jane will stare at you until you agree

10. I'm doing a survey, I just need to ask you a few questions. Do you prefer hot or cold? Have you not aged in a while? Have you heard of a place called Forks? Do you have eyes that change colour? Do you want to go out?


	6. For Going Out With Your Mates

Ten Twilight Excuses For Going Out With Your Mates –

AN - I made a new one to make up for my previous mistake. If you haven't seen my apology, it's on the _actual _excuses to ask out your crush! Thanks for everything!

If I don't go out with (insert mate name here) then I'll never find out if (insert another mate here) is a vampire!

There's a guy who looks like Jacob at school! We have to follow him and track his werewolf activities (there is actually a guy at our school who looks just like Taylor Lautner. We call him Jacob behind his back)

Alice just called me! I have to go out now, or my whole future will shift, and I already have it planned on a calendar

If I don't go to the cinema with people, then I'll just be a weirdo shrieking when Twilight comes on

We're not vampires, we can't just climb through a window when we want to talk

I can't go alone to the bonfire, I have to be considerate of the group. There are others who need to learn about their werewolf past

Arm wrestling matches with Emmett deserve an audience. Besides, if it was just us, who would film and post it on Youtube?

A vampire coven is coming into town! We need to have a baseball match with them to distract them!

I've read the Twilight Saga so many times I'm getting withdrawal symptoms. We need to go to the hospital, my mates can describe my condition, and while we're there we can go Carlisle hunting.

We're making a Twilight band! We need to advertise in town, and get gigs so we can spread the Twi-love.


	7. For Breaking Something

Ten Twilight Excuses For Breaking Something –

Riley came in to collect my scent but he didn't realise I was in the room so I tried to push him back out and I accidently pushed him into it, but it was only because he and Victoria were going to lead an army of vampires to kill me!

The Cullens were playing baseball, but I couldn't go because I was doing homework, and Jasper hit the ball so hard it came to here and smashed the (insert object here)

Bella visited me and she's so clumsy she fell straight into it

Alice called to warn me about breaking it but in my haste to get to the phone I ran past it and broke it. It was going to happen anyway, you can't deny it!

Jacob picked it up to see what it was and his skin is literally so hot it burned right through it and I had to throw it away

I had decided to move some furniture in my bedroom but as Edward came through my window he went straight into it. I've changed my room back now

I was so busy reading the genius of Stephenie Meyer I went into a Twilight Trance, and didn't realise that I'd even broke it until I came out of it. Twilight's too addictive!

Jane from the Volturi paid a visit and she stared at it so intently it ripped itself apart

Billy was playing human skittles down the hill in La Push and coasted straight into it!

I beat Emmett in _another_ arm wrestling match and he was so angry he grasped the nearest thing to him, and it broke from his super strength


	8. For Forgetting Someone's Birthday

Ten Twilight Excuses For Forgetting Someone's Birthday –

**AN – Confession people, I'm running low on ideas. As always, suggest ideas and I'll do them, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!**

Alice didn't tell me this to spite me because I forgot to wear the clothes she bought me

Edward didn't tell me when it was his birthday, so I'm showing him what it feels like when other people don't celebrate friends birthdays

I bought a gift, but Emmett sat on it and broke it

Jasper's made me forget everything with his power...yes, that _is_ possible!

Well, it's kind of hard to remember people's birthdays when a vampire army's coming for me!

Marcus thought it would be funny if Chelsea undid my ties to you this morning, and seeing you has reminded me how good a friend you are to me. Blame Marcus!

Jacob was making me a special carving, but he phased whilst doing it and dropped it in the woods

The Cullens are planning a surprise party for you, and knowing how much I hate to lie, they didn't even let me in on the secret

Well I was reading Breaking Dawn, and I wasn't sure whether this birthday counted or not...

After reading New Moon I fear people's birthdays, so I naturally repressed it, like Bella does


	9. For Losing Something Important

Ten Twilight Excuses For...Losing Something Important

**AN – Sorry I haven't updated in a while, have been working on other lists etc. But I'll save you my crappy normal excuses and get to the only ones that matter; the Twilight related ones! Review and enjoy!**

Alice is on holiday...damn!

Of course I didn't lose it, Riley took it

Jasper is only making you think and feel that I've lost it, I haven't really

Emmett, stop hiding my things!

Rosalie got annoyed with me earlier, so it's most likely destroyed now

It's in Jacob's fur somewhere...

Charlie put it in his dinner when he was trying to cook

Siobhan is hoping I don't find it, so according to Carlisle I'll never get it back

Zafrina was showing me her power and I placed it somewhere, but I couldn't see where

Um, I think one of the werewolves/ shapeshifters ate it


	10. For Doing Badly in School

Ten Twilight Excuses For...Doing Badly at School

**AN – Again guys, getting writers block! And the internet is surprisingly unhelpful. So suggest themes, I'll do them. Thanks! Oh and by the way, I in no way condone doing badly at school, I just really need excuse themes!**

Before Twilight, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars – points of light and reason...and then Twilight shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When Twilight goes, when the meteor falls over the horizon , everything goes black. Nothing changes, but my eyes are blinded by the light. I can't function without Twilight! (**This whole thing was taken from New Moon, I had to research! I just changed the tense, and the last line. I, of course, own nothing!**)

Edward's dazzled me!

When I'm a vampire I'm going to go through High School loads of times. Why bother now?

I'm plotting a way to steal Jasper from Alice

When it's sunny, I have to protect my secret

Jake keeps taking me to La Push on his motorcycle

I can't concentrate, Victoria's after me...

Until Jacob makes homework dates with me, I'm going on a school strike

I have to scan people's minds to see if they're going to ask me out

I have to concentrate on every guy in school, I need to imprint on one of them


	11. For Being Sick

Ten Twilight Excuses For...Being Sick

**AN – Thanks to PinkHairedWonder for the awesome ideas, and thanks to everyone who reviewed and added this, they make me happy. I in no way condone faking illness. These excuses are going to the dark side...**

You have Twilight Fever, you can't go to school until you know what happens at the end!

I won't be able to do anything anyway, I'm not busy thinking about Edward

I'm pregnant with Edward's baby!

I need a doctor...Carlisle?

I have to pretend I'm sick to keep me secret from Bella. Yes, that is who keeps calling

I have an on/off fever, maybe Jacob/Seth and Edward can help?

Edward left in New Moon! I need time to grieve

I need time for the red eyes to fade so people at school don't get suspicious...

I want to be as warm as possible inside for now, I'm going camping with Jacob and Edward at the weekend

Stephenie say's I need to read New Moon two times to appreciate Jacob, so I need to read it. Right now.


	12. For Getting Fired

Ten Twilight Excuses For...Getting Fired

**AN – Sorry I've been slow on the update, Chirstmas etc., and thanks to 1901 for the awesome suggestion! Keep them coming, I'll do them! Review and enjoy!**

I haven't been day dreaming, I keep seeing the future! I'd step away from that light if I were you...

These are not doodling, these are battle plans for the vampires from the south, I can't work if I'm dead

Alice told me this was going to happen, so what is the point in drawing it out any longer

It's pretty easy to read that you're having an affair. It was my duty to let your wife know

Ah but you only _feel_ like you want to fire me...

I'm not ready to retire, I'm 20! I know I was twenty ten years ago but I can explain!

Work? I'd rather give myself a manicure and lower people's self esteem, that's far more important

Chelsea's undoing your ties to me as an employee, resist!

Scaring the customers? Just because they can't take a joke, or my fabulous muscles

Is this because my nametag read 'hello, I'm James, I'm going to hunt down your loved ones and drink them dry, then kill you too'?

**AN – Sorry if some of these ones were a bit 'what the fudge?' Christmas fevers getting to me...CRACKERS! ;D**


	13. For Daydreaming

Ten Twilight Excuses For...Daydreaming

**AN – Hey, sorry I haven't updated in a while, been busy with the holiday season etc. Anyhoo, thanks to ireallylovetwilight for this idea, and for the favs! Hope everyone had a merry holiday, now on with the excuses!**

I'm not daydreaming, I'm really Alice Cullen in disguise, I was having a vision. I wouldn't do what you're thinking of, it's going to end badly...

Edward has dazzled me so much that every time I'm not completely occupied my mind struggles to make coherent thoughts

I need to plan for my vampire life, it's _going_ to happen eventually

I'm trying to imagine what the pack would look like as girls, excluding Leah of course, so they can have a mass argument about it at the next bonfire

Someone call Carlisle, I've got a case of the love bi-polar! One minute Edward, then Jacob, it's driving me insane! (**name the song for virtual cookies...)**

I'm protecting my thoughts by zoning out, so Edward can't hear my obsessive thoughts about him

That wasn't daydreaming, Alec is using his power on me!

It's kind of hard to focus when you are in the middle of a _rainforest_

I'm making a list in my mind of the best vampire powers in the Volturi so I can taunt them later, though not if Caius still has that flamethrower about...

You try understanding the pack history in one sitting when you're tired and cold in the middle of the night, not an easy task I tell you


	14. For Getting Lost

Ten Twilight Excuses For...Getting Lost

**AN – Hey, thanks to PinkHairedWonder for the idea, I LOVE ideas guys, so keep them coming! Also Happy New Year! Oh and well done to everyone who got it right, it was indeed Katy Perry 'Hot n' Cold'**

Alice will find me sooner or later, it's meant to be

Edward...New Moon...he left...THE PAIN!

I'm hoping Laurent or Victoria will find me and change me, then the wolves can save me

I was just trying to find a bookstore, then these guys started following me...

Ah, I don't know where I am now, but one call to Demitri will fix that

I'll know where I am when Zafrina stops making me see rainforests

I'm trying to find the shop where RPattz is meant to be appearing but all I can find is this huge line...

I've just finished Breaking Dawn and I just can't get over the fact that it's ended, I'm in a sort of daze *blink rapidly for effect and stumble a bit*

When you're a wolf you sort of forget about state borders

I've been on this motorway for hours but I still can't find the Cullen house!


	15. For Having a Party

Ten Twilight Excuses For...Having a Party

**AN – Hey, haven't updated in eons, sorry about that, have been so busy reading fanfics I run out of time to write my own! Maybe I should just stick to books for a while... But other people's stories are so good! I'll have this debate later, for now, excuses!**

Alice is forcing me to have a party, she's planning it herself. If you let me have it, she'll be very angry

Because the Volturi love to bust a move!

Super tall werewolves + normal short humans = one freakishly uncoordinated and hilarious conga line **(that's math I actually **_**like**_** to do!)**

You haven't lived until you've seen Edward doing big fish little fish cardboard box

Victoria will send a secret vampire army to kill you unless she get's the right to party!

Think of Jasper, all those happy people dancing their troubles away in one room, he'll be ecstatic

Alec and Jane have the best dance routine in the world, it will stay with you forever

Edward and Alice need to educate our taste in music

Because Emmett is the best at rapping and dancing to Soulja Boy **(anyone who reads Belladventure! Will get the reference)**

Watching Bella trip around the dance floor is something that _needs_ to be recorded

**AN - Oh yeah, despite having been a member of fanfiction for a while now, I've only just discovered recently that you can view stats for stories! So thanks everybody for making this this story (well, story in the very loosest sense) with the most hits and favs! If only there were more reviews...*hint hint***


	16. For Not Doing Chores

Ten Twilight Excuses For...Not Doing Chores/Housework

**AN – Didn't realise it had been so long since I updated, sorry! Thanks to 1901 for the idea, I love it when people suggest ideas, it means I can write a chapter and you get to see your idea on here! Then you can review and make me even happier! It's a good system :D**

Marcus sees that the relationship between me and this hoover isn't working out

Cleaning dishes gives me bad memories. I don't want to see Jacob ripping his hand open again!

Rosalie and Emmett are coming to stay soon, I don't think cleaning it will matter when it's _demolished _to rubble

If I clean it I won't notice that someone has taken my things, and won't be able to prevent a vampire attack

As Bella said, laundry doesn't keep the head busy. So that won't prevent me from thinking about Edward *starts to drool on washing*

Cook apple pie? I can't cook apples, they're sacred. It's the forbidden fruit for crying out loud!

Housework comes later, first I'm off to Italy to save Edward

I'm patrolling all around the town, trying to keep it safe from vampires, and _housework_ is the thanks I get?

Edward's warned me against doing laundry, I might fall _into_ the washing machine

Jasper is making me feel lazy, I'll do it when he leaves (Jasper never leaves *evil laugh*)


	17. For Going on Holiday

Ten Twilight Excuses For Going on Holiday

**AN – I came up with one of my own! Aren't you so proud? Hope you enjoy!**

I need to visit Isle Esme and try and spot Edward and Bella

Well I have to try and convince my mother that my boyfriend _isn't_ a vampire

I'm going hiking in La Push. Gonna get me some werewolves. _One_ of them has to imprint, right?

The sun's lost it appeal, rain and overcast clouds are _in_ now

I'm trying to detour some vampires from killing townsfolk, going on holiday is for _your_ safety

We need to go to Italy so the Volturi can discover my powers and worship me as a vampire god

I've got some unfinished business in Alaska. I need to tell Tanya to back off, Edward's mine!

The Cullens are on holiday in Africa, lt's join the trouble (**Belladventure! reference)**

Chicago will be fun, I'll spend my time in the library researching Masen history

Let's go on a world tour...for _vampires_!


	18. For Going Shopping

Ten Twilight Excuses For...Going Shopping

**AN – Hey, it's been a while, sorry! Between ski trips, being sick, and half term I haven't had a chance to update, that's why I'm doing it now! **

You can embarrass the boys (maybe not Emmett) by dragging them into lingerie shops, seeing their expressions is pure gold

If you do this with Alice she will predict the lottery for you! Compromise always works

Nessie keeps growing out of her clothes, you've got to fill that photo album somehow

Use your vampire skills to see and snatch the last pair of shoes before anyone else

Drag along the Volturi and make them buy new clothes, it's been 1000 years!

It's surprising who you can bump into in Port Angeles...

Riley keeps on stealing your clothes, pretty soon he will have taken your whole wardrobe!

Go to the mall with Jasper and stir up random people's emotions, then film their reactions. Your Saturday night TV is sorted

Bella can go 'car shopping' and find out how much Edward _really_ paid for her Ferrari

Go and get Jane a webcam so when you IM each other she can't torment you, and watch her incredulous and angry expressions


	19. For Going to Europe

Ten Twilight Excuses For...Going to Europe

**AN – Was looking over reviews and realised there were good ideas that I hadn't done! So this idea is from Flyingtothestars. Thanks!**

Go to Carlisle, England and look in their yellow pages. Someone around here must have heard of Carlisle Cullen

Go to Volterra and celebrate St. Marcus Day, after reading that Bella and Edward lived it sounded quite fun

Go to Italy and ask if anyone had lost their yellow Porsche

Swim the English Channel, just like Carlisle

Even if you failed Geography you can still try and track Victoria. Spain is near Brazil, right?

A tour of castles in Volterra? Sounds cool!

Learn Italian just so you can talk about _la tua cantante _and visit the _plazzo dei priori_

Search for Alistair, he has to be around here somewhere

Find Charles and Makenna, and high five them. They deserve it for standing up against the Volturi!

You have a question for Maggie in Ireland. Does it tingle when someone is lying, like in Heroes?

**AN – I had a quick update for you this week, fancy rewarding me with reviews? They make my day, even if by the time I post there's not much left of it!**


	20. For Going To School

Ten Twilight Excuses For...Going To School

**AN – I know you would go to school whatever, but sometimes you need a little motivation to get out of bed, and I'm supplying it, Twilight style! Oh and thanks to marykat for all those reviews, and not just on this story. You made my day! **

You can spend ages in the parking lot, waiting for a silver Volvo to park up

You never know who you might meet in the cafeteria!

Graduation is the only way to get out of there! If your Edward Cullen isn't in High School, he's bound to be hiding somewhere!

School trip to Forks, anyone? It's for educational purposes, we swear...

Having lab partners in Biology just got interesting

Practice your vampire powers on unsuspecting humans, what fun!

Spot the Mike and Eric's of your school. The avoid them. Boy trouble solved.

See if anyone wants to 'help' you with your homework, particularly that cold, bronze haired silent guy...

Where else can you get the excuse to watch Romeo and Juilet with someone?

School is the only place you can catalogue teenagers features. Do they look constantly in pain? Are they cold? Changing eye colours? Enter you, their new best friend *grins manically*


	21. For Going To Work

Ten Twilight Excuses For...Going To Work

**AN – Sorry for not updating, several things have kept me occupied. But I'm back! On marykat's request I'm doing excuses for going to work. Enjoy!**

There's much more opportunity to find a vampire, it's a wide world, and there's got to be more Edward's out there

Spying on possible vampires is so much easier when you can hide behind a desk or water cooler

You're surrounded by lots of humans, there's even less chance of a vampire attack, which is always good

Where else do you have to chance to stare at your RPattz screensaver all day?

No, that's not a copy of Twilight you see under those forms...

Going to the office cafeteria just got a bit better!

Introducing your boss to Twilight will benefit your work and personal life!

There's a chance you could run into super vampire Carlisle, that's enough encouragement to get out of bed

If you learn who the Mike Newton's of the work place are, you can avoid them and everyone will be happy

Working will keep your mind off Edward leaving when thinking about your copy of New Moon which you're reading for the thirty second time... **(I haven't read New Moon **_**this**_** much, no where close!)**


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